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David Knows What’s Up: Untold Secrets of the Manson Family

April 26, 2010

David Knows What’s Up:
Untold Secrets of the Manson Family

By David Marchese

Reading is normally for sissies and shrimps, but right now I’m turning the pages of this badass book about Charles Manson called “The Family,” by Ed Sanders. I’m not that far into it but already Chuck’s got these girls driving around in a big bus with him. There’s even a part where Manson convinces some parents to let their underage daughter join the gang. How in the holy heck does that happen? Like this, duh:

Manson [smelling like dookie and looking crazy]: “Mr. Knudsen, be groovy and let me bogart little Linda Lou. Don’t be a bum trip, man.”

Linda Lou [looking like Kirsten Dunst]: “Moooom! Daaaad! Pleeease can I go with Charlie? You never let me do anything!”

Mr. Knudsen [looking at Manson’s bus, which is covered in Satanic symbols and has weed smoke billowing from the blacked-out windows]: “I don’t know, Linda Lou. Mr. Manson here is a dirty hippy.”

Manson: “Let me lay it on you, man. Normally the trip is ass, gas, or grass. But I got all the grass I need, the bus is full of gas, and ass is love and love is for everyone. Grok me?”

Mr. Knudsen: “Take good care of her, Mr. Manson.”

The book also mentions all these cults that were kicking it in Cali back then. From what I can tell ā€“ and, seriously, I’m the type of guy who always gets double-meanings (which is an anagram for In Gods Me Unable ā€“ tripping balls yet?) ā€“ the trick to becoming a cult leader is basically saying do it do it do it do it do it do it do it David knows do it do it do it do it do it do it David knows do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do David knows do it do it do it do it do it do it do in all sorts of different ways until people do what you tell them to do.

Guess what, fools? There’s a foolproof method for beating back cult mind control. You just have to say “eff that.” Works every time, all the time. People have gotten a lot smarter since the ’60s.

But you know how we think cults are bad and weird because they get you to do stuff that you don’t want to do?

Isn’t that sort of like life?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. David Curtis permalink
    April 28, 2010 9:49 am

    You know Dave what I see in you is something like you are my brother and that’s because of the love I have in me. My balls they tript.

  2. David permalink
    April 30, 2010 7:42 pm

    David Curtis — soon we will all be brothers. Whether we like it or not.

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